Learn Through Quotations

“My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after and if need be during all meals and in the intervals between them.”

“A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.”

“A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after.”

“Divorce: The past tense of marriage.”

“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”

“Any mother could perform the jobs of several air traffic controllers with ease.”

“Don't ever tell the mother of a newborn that her baby's smile is just gas.”

“Now, as always, the most automated appliance in a household is the mother.”

“The only mothers it is safe to forget on Mother's Day are the good ones.”

“God put me on Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I'm so far behind I will never die!”

“Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.”

“I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?”

“A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.”

“Death and taxes and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them.”

“You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”

“Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.”

“Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.”

“One of the best things in the world to be is a boy, it requires no experience, but needs some practice to be a good one.”

“Boys are beyond the range of anybody's sure understanding, at least when they are between the ages of 18 months and 90 years.”

“Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.”

“There is nothing so aggravating as a fresh boy who is too old to ignore and too young to kick.”

“The boys are in such a mood that if someone introduced the Ten Commandments, they'd cut them down to seven.”

“A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.”

“Never get married in the morning, because you never know who you'll meet that night.”