Learn Through Quotations

“If fortune turns against you, even jelly breaks your tooth. ”

“Women like silent men. They think they're listening.”

“Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.”

“When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking.”

“You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jelly beans.”

“Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.”

“One of the very few reasons I had any respect for my mother when I was thirteen was because she would reach into the sink with her bare hands - bare hands - and pick up that lethal gunk and drop it into the garbage. To top that, I saw her reach into the wet garbage bag and fish around in there looking for a lost teaspoon. Bare hands - a kind of mad courage. ”

“Pity all newlyweds. She cooks something nice for him, and he brings her flowers, and they kiss and think: How easy marriage is.”

“We load up on oat bran in the morning so we'll live forever. Then we spend the rest of the day living like there's no tomorrow.”

“Trifles light as air Are to the jealous confirmations strong As proofs of holy writ.”

“Many hands make light work.”

“My mother said it was simple to keep a man, you must be a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom. I said I'd hire the other two and take care of the bedroom bit.”

“Marriage: A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons of the opposite sex solemnly agree to harass and spy on each other for ninety-nine years, or until death do them join.”

“Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.”

“Recession is when a neighbour loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours.”

“Wives are young men's mistresses; companions for middle age; and old men's nurses.”

“One best book is equal to a hundred good friends, but one good friend is equal to a library.”

“Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children, and no theories.”

“To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.”

“Never get married in college; it's hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you've already made one mistake.”

“My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that's what she said.”

“A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.”

“We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.”

“Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty.”